A Stroll Down the Beach

We are in Jupiter, Florida for Spring Break because of the kindness of a friend. We are staying in a house for the week less than a mile from the beach. We have been to Disney where we spent way too much money, are heading to Sea World at the end of the week, and we are going to spend way too much money again I'm sure. But for now, we are enjoying the week in a home near the beach, what I like to call "The Actual Vacation" part of our vacation.

We went to the Loggerhead Marinelife Center this morning and got to see some loggerhead, hawksbill, and green sea turtles that were being rehabilitated due to injuries from sharks or boat propellers. Many of the sea turtles were there with pneumonia due to the recent cold weather in Florida. Once we bought a few souvenirs (various forms of turtles on hats, shirts, and bracelets) we had a picnic lunch at the nearby park.

It was a gorgeous day with temperatures near 80 and crystal blue skies. The water was refreshing and only cold if you got out of the water. Juno Beach was being dredged and there are piles of shells and coral piled in various places along the beach making shell hunting like shooting fish in a barrel. Janet took Andrew, Eli, and Hadley to one of the piles of shells while Aaron and I bobbed up and down with the waves. Andrew decided to head back to our beach chairs and to set down his bucket and Janet gathered up Eli and Hadley from their excavation spots. I saw Janet arrive at our chairs and she asked me where Andrew was. I had not seen him and she glanced back at the shell pile but he was not there. She quickly checked a little further north as I checked a little south.

We could not find him.

I ran to the lifeguard station and they quickly got a description of him and one of the guards took the four wheeler north towards the pier. Janet started asking people to look for Andrew as I walked south. I came back without him and Janet was empty armed as well. The four wheeler arrived back without locating him so the driver went across the road and checked the bathrooms and park. No sign of Andrew. The four wheeler then drove further south than I had gone and I went to wait with Janet. A lady named Linda stayed with the other 3 kids as they began to become anxious too.

We started hearing comments from beach goers such as, "They really need more patrols out here" and "someone needs to call the police and check the woods." I went back to check on the other three kids and Eli was beginning to cry. We then heard a whistle from the lifeguard station and they yelled to Janet that they found him, he was OK and they would be back in a few minutes. Janet relayed the message to me and I ran back to the lifeguard station. We could see the four wheeler heading back north to us and when they were about 150 yards away I saw Andrew's little reddish brown mop peak around the driver of the four wheeler.

They found him.

Janet immediately buried her head in my shoulder and started sobbing as I tried to console her. The four wheeler arrived and Andrew hopped off completely unaware of all the fuss being made over him. I'm not sure how long the whole ordeal was (I'm guessing about 20 minutes)but it was long enough for Andrew to go almost a mile down the beach and thankfully a group of some college kids remembered seeing him when they were approached by the lifeguard.

I thought I knew what fear was. I thought I knew what it felt like. I thought I knew how to handle it. I'm reading a book now called "Fearless" ironically. Evidently, I can't claim the title of that book yet. Today I learned a new level of fear and today I was taught that there is an even deeper level of fear that I thankfully didn't have to experience. Even though it was for a very brief moment, I had to contemplate how I could go on after losing a child. I'm not sure I could but somehow I would have to.

I always say that I love my children a little more everyday, but today it feels different: a deeper, wider, heart overflowing like Andrew's bucket full of shells kind of love.

And just in case you ever wonder...

I love you, Janet.
I love you, Aaron.
I love you, Eli.
I love you, Andrew.
I love you, Hadley.

I am a truly blessed man.


Justin

WebMD, Church, and a Giant First Step

Most of you have probably heard of WebMD, but for those of you that haven't, WebMD is a site where you can find all sorts of information regarding medical matters, such as what to expect from certain tests or treatments from your doctor or laboratory. Sounds pretty useful doesn't it? Well, the site also functions as a diagnostic tool and, if you haven't tried it out for yourself yet, I suggest you avoid it.

Several years ago my heart was "fluttering" or felt like it was skipping a beat periodically. There did not seem to be a pattern, rhyme, or reason for it. So I went to WebMD and searched for various symptoms like "fluttering", "irregular", and "heartrate" just to see what could be the problem. That was a big mistake for a worrier like me. WebMD gave me a list of ailments and maladies that I was sure were going to be my demise. I had been exhibiting symptoms from almost all of the conditions listed, anything from congenital heart failure, arteriosclerosis, a torn achilles, and they said I may have even been pregnant. It was awful.

I had a WebMD moment in church this morning. The pastor was talking about Pride. He gave the list of the symptoms for someone struggling with Pride and I was suffering from all of the them: arrogance, insecurity, defensiveness, and being overly critical. While these may not bring about my immediate death, they sure have the ability to impact my life and the lives around me.

Just last night my wife innocently commented that she would like to have a wood laminate floor in the dining room and I instantly jumped to the conclusion that she was unhappy with my ability to provide for the family and lack of "handyman" skills. Sounds like insecurity and defensiveness to me and I have times when I am overly critical with the kids, my wife, and even myself. I struggle with arrogance too, especially when I feel that I deserve better than what I have received.

While I was not actually suffering arteriosclerosis or congenital heart failure or anything else WebMD proposed those many years ago, I am confident at my diagnosis as a prideful man. I don't appear to be suffering this disease alone however. C.S. Lewis said "There is one vice of which no man in the world is free...the vice I am talking of is Pride."

Thankfully, it appears that today in church I also took a big first step by realizing I am prideful. C.S. Lewis also pointed out that "If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud." One step down, but I have a feeling the rest of the steps will take the rest of my life to perfect. I better get started...


Justin

The Baseball or Hallmark Hall of Fame

One of my favorite pastimes is sitting at the baseball field in the summer watching any of my 3 boys play baseball. I love sports but baseball in particular. I love baseball like my wife loves Hallmark Hall of Fame movies. Just like my wife taking in one of her favorite movies, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I get angry, and sometimes I cry. Last summer, Janet's love for tear-jerkers and my love of baseball came together in one single night at the baseball diamond.

My oldest son was on a team with a boy whose two parents helped coach the team. The boy, Jacob, was 12 years old and I had seen their family around the baseball park for a couple summers. The father didn't appear to be in the best health due to his weight but he was always at the ballpark helping coach his son.

One evening we got to the ballpark and things seemed to be a little weird. As it got closer to game time an announcement was made to the team and parents that Jacob's dad had died the previous evening. But, despite their loss, Jacob and his mother came to the game to play and coach. Here's where the plot of the story becomes a movie.

Jacob played first base and hit cleanup for our team. During his first at bat he let the first pitch go by just as his dad always told him to. Choking up just a little bit, moving closer to the plate, and a little farther back in the batters box, he was ready for the second pitch. Jacob swung; it was the hardest hit ball I had seen him hit all year and it cleared the fence easily for his first ever over-the-fence home run. Jacob's mom, who was coaching third base screamed with joy and heartache all at the same time and as Jacob got to third base, they shared an embrace that lasted as long as Barry Bonds admiring one of his own home runs. There wasn't a dry eye in the bleachers or even in my lawn chair for that matter.

The baseball was retrieved and given to Jacob's mother and she held it tighter than I have ever seen a mother hold anything before. Jacob was all smiles in the dugout and getting high fives from his teammates. Then, the reality of the situation sank in. His dad wasn't there to see it...and he began to cry.

This was one Hallmark Hall of Fame moment that I am glad I witnessed. The only plot detail missing from this movie was the silhouette of his dad standing in the first base coaches box as he hit the home run. For Jacob's sake, I sure wish that hadn't been left out.


Justin

The Perception Problem

I'm not sure why it is the case, but I have always seemed to be a social chameleon. I played sports in high school (basketball and baseball) but I was also in the band. I was the only person in the band who played any of the three most "popular" sports. I'm not sure why it was the case but I never seemed to take the grief that many of my friends in the band seemed to take from the "cool" kids. I wore the plumed hat and uniform just like everyone else in the band but I could still go to Gatti's after the basketball game with the jocks and cheerleaders. On the flipside, I was able to hang out with my friends in the band, listening to our mix tapes of Poison, Weird Al, and Michael Bolton without the whispers of "He thinks he is better than us" or "Look who decided to grace us with his presence."

I feel the same way today when it comes to my friends. I am just as comfortable sitting in my living room leading my christian friends in a Bible Study as I am listening to another friends' band at the Deerhead Tavern. Because of this, I've had some pretty candid conversations with my non-christian friends about their perceptions of the church, and while some of those perceptions may not be true, some are and all of them, true or not, are obstacles to them seeing Christ as He truly is.

Christ is suffering from a perception problem. Because of this, it is vital that I am open, that I am honest, and that I am real with my friends because I may be the one that He is using to begin to change the perceptions they have of Him. I don't want to magnify the problem, I want to be part of the solution.


Justin