A Stroll Down the Beach

We are in Jupiter, Florida for Spring Break because of the kindness of a friend. We are staying in a house for the week less than a mile from the beach. We have been to Disney where we spent way too much money, are heading to Sea World at the end of the week, and we are going to spend way too much money again I'm sure. But for now, we are enjoying the week in a home near the beach, what I like to call "The Actual Vacation" part of our vacation.

We went to the Loggerhead Marinelife Center this morning and got to see some loggerhead, hawksbill, and green sea turtles that were being rehabilitated due to injuries from sharks or boat propellers. Many of the sea turtles were there with pneumonia due to the recent cold weather in Florida. Once we bought a few souvenirs (various forms of turtles on hats, shirts, and bracelets) we had a picnic lunch at the nearby park.

It was a gorgeous day with temperatures near 80 and crystal blue skies. The water was refreshing and only cold if you got out of the water. Juno Beach was being dredged and there are piles of shells and coral piled in various places along the beach making shell hunting like shooting fish in a barrel. Janet took Andrew, Eli, and Hadley to one of the piles of shells while Aaron and I bobbed up and down with the waves. Andrew decided to head back to our beach chairs and to set down his bucket and Janet gathered up Eli and Hadley from their excavation spots. I saw Janet arrive at our chairs and she asked me where Andrew was. I had not seen him and she glanced back at the shell pile but he was not there. She quickly checked a little further north as I checked a little south.

We could not find him.

I ran to the lifeguard station and they quickly got a description of him and one of the guards took the four wheeler north towards the pier. Janet started asking people to look for Andrew as I walked south. I came back without him and Janet was empty armed as well. The four wheeler arrived back without locating him so the driver went across the road and checked the bathrooms and park. No sign of Andrew. The four wheeler then drove further south than I had gone and I went to wait with Janet. A lady named Linda stayed with the other 3 kids as they began to become anxious too.

We started hearing comments from beach goers such as, "They really need more patrols out here" and "someone needs to call the police and check the woods." I went back to check on the other three kids and Eli was beginning to cry. We then heard a whistle from the lifeguard station and they yelled to Janet that they found him, he was OK and they would be back in a few minutes. Janet relayed the message to me and I ran back to the lifeguard station. We could see the four wheeler heading back north to us and when they were about 150 yards away I saw Andrew's little reddish brown mop peak around the driver of the four wheeler.

They found him.

Janet immediately buried her head in my shoulder and started sobbing as I tried to console her. The four wheeler arrived and Andrew hopped off completely unaware of all the fuss being made over him. I'm not sure how long the whole ordeal was (I'm guessing about 20 minutes)but it was long enough for Andrew to go almost a mile down the beach and thankfully a group of some college kids remembered seeing him when they were approached by the lifeguard.

I thought I knew what fear was. I thought I knew what it felt like. I thought I knew how to handle it. I'm reading a book now called "Fearless" ironically. Evidently, I can't claim the title of that book yet. Today I learned a new level of fear and today I was taught that there is an even deeper level of fear that I thankfully didn't have to experience. Even though it was for a very brief moment, I had to contemplate how I could go on after losing a child. I'm not sure I could but somehow I would have to.

I always say that I love my children a little more everyday, but today it feels different: a deeper, wider, heart overflowing like Andrew's bucket full of shells kind of love.

And just in case you ever wonder...

I love you, Janet.
I love you, Aaron.
I love you, Eli.
I love you, Andrew.
I love you, Hadley.

I am a truly blessed man.


Justin